Just a wanderer with a thought !

I am just

A Wanderer with a thought

Nothing’s magnificent about it

I throw out my prose at people

Hoping to find someone who might tag along

It gets lonely walking all alone

With the burden of words

Meant for someone

Thrown around to everyone

In dire hopes that someone

Might just accompany me

On this wild, drug infested goose chase

Maybe I have more words with me

Than I could ever imagine

The way I cough them out

Like the blood

I threw up

Over the weekend

But then again

They are never meant for someone

Anyone

Are they?

With the desk lamp glowing dim

With every yank of paper from scribbled notebook

Crumpled up and thrown with other rejects

Slaying myself over the perfect piece

To win you over

You might think they’re just words I wrote up

I do that a lot, write stuff up

But it’s pretty different this time

I never sought perfection before

And now, I only want the best for you

But let’s be honest

I’m not magnificent

I’m not that lucky

I’m just a wanderer with a thought

Trying to settle down

Write for you

Just you

"Because I know no man is an island

And I can’t keep you back"

But you don’t want that

No one wants that

Maybe it’s my anxieties

Is there something on my face?

Maybe it’s just me

Maybe I fall for all the wrong people

Maybe their flaws make me love them more

Maybe I was never meant to love

Some people are never meant to love

I tell myself again and again

I was better off as a teenager who

Used to go through his mother’s medicine cabinet

Pull out a few Xanax and leave a sorry note behind

21 and still consuming Xanax’s

Yes the doctor prescribed them – 4 years ago, I think

Why do I still swallow pills without a care?

Because I’m just a wanderer with a thought

I’ll fade away with my words

Tucked in safely inside my collar

And maybe one day

I’ll give you a binder

With all my pieces

Looped with a frayed knot

Arranged in a mess

Maybe I’ll get to see you smile

After the longest of time

Maybe I’ll get to hug you

After the longest of time

Maybe you’ll throw the binder

Away from both of our reach

Maybe this is how I’ll know

My writing’s worth

But what do I know

I’m just a wanderer with a thought

Writing my heart out

On parchment, collected

Read

Kissed

Saved

The binder

Under your bed

Your favorite bedtime read

Or maybe

The source of the fire

In your living room fire place

But I’ll write

Till the sun fades away

Kissing the sky

Leaving it blushing

In shades of red

Violet

Vanilla twilight

And the moonlight masks us all

I’ll still write

For you

Because I relish in being forgotten

Being lost into the oblivion.